I really wanted to go see Javier Bardem’s new picture, but the movie theater’s schedule just didn’t work out with mine.  I refused to see the silly Gnome movie, Cedar Rapids wasn’t showing for another 6 hours, and everything else I had either seen or was crap, so I ended up watching ‘The Eagle’ the new sword and sandal Channing Tatum flick directed by Kevin Macdonald.   Sure it looked like the same old same old… Guys yelling at each other and swinging swords with no real graphic consequences.  I mean how exciting can a PG-13 sword fighting movie be? More on this later.  But I had some hope; Macdonald had directed one of my favorite pictures of 2009, neo-noir thriller ‘State of Play’ with Russell Crowe.  Sadly, my hope was mislaid. 

                The flick starts out decent enough. Some nice expositional text, strong title card, and we’re in this thing. It’s ancient times in Great Britain and Rome keeps getting their asses handed to them by the native populace of the far north.  Channing Tatum is Marcus Aquila who has just taken his position as commander of the northern most Roman post in Britain.  Unbeknownst to his minions, he is the son of the leader of the legendary 9^th legion who marched north with the symbolic golden eagle of Rome and were never heard from again.  On one of the first nights of his command, Aquila is woken by his animalistic instincts and gets his men ready just in time for a night ambush from the deadly locals.  It was during this sequence the film shined brightest.  Before he orders the men to be woken, Aquila just stands on the fortress’ wall looking into the blackness.  He asks, “did you hear that?” to one of his men, but he’s also asking us, the audience, and my ears were perked and I was on the edge of my seat.  Some brilliant suspense.  Then there’s a great payoff, a couple of pretty well choreographed battles, and Aquila ends up wounded with an honorable discharge.  It’s here the film’s plot actually begins and everything else begins to fail miserably.  Aquila is super whiny because he can’t be a soldier anymore and what he REALLY REALLY wants is to get the DAMN golden Eagle back.  So he and his northern slave buddy, Esca, played brilliantly by Jamie Bell, set off into the northern wilderness.  Ugh.  After that, everything stops making sense, the script throws up all over itself, and I’m never quite sure what to think.  At one point we’re led to believe Rome IS evil and the barbaric northerners are the most sane, but then the barbaric northerners get EXTRA barbaric and maybe evil Rome isn’t THAT evil after all.  It’s all very confusing.

                At the end of the day this movie was a lot better when it was super violent, rated R, directed by Neil Marshall and called ‘Centurion’.  Seriously, it’s basically the prequel to this film and is all about the legendary 9^th legion.  So go see that one.  It’s still not the greatest film, but it least its accurately SUPER violent and the script isn’t nearly as one sided.  So the Eagle was strong out of the gate, then tripped all over itself.  Till next time, watch more movies, it’ll do you good.  55